another post

Went out with my bestest best friend on Monday and the first thing that I see the change in her is that she is much more confident of her looks, wearing short skirt and heels. For me, I am still caught in the vicious cycle of not daring to wear skirt and all my shoes (except my slippers) are now in hall. Seeing her change makes me happy cause she has grown out of the era of “I don’t care about my looks”. I suppose lots of girls have either not have this stage or have grown out of the stage. For me, I have resisted change because I didn’t want to be part of the crowd and being “I want to be pretty” is just too much for me. I can’t imagine myself freaking out small pimples after a while or putting make up whenever I go into the toilet. She told me that change is normal which I have to agree as everybody will change after some time. It is a matter of what change has occurred in you. For me, through the first semester of the university years, I have learnt the true meaning of do your best and the rest don’t matter. I realized that if I wanted to compete with other people, I would have committed suicide and die. Also found out that I didn’t work as hard as before. It is my mistake and I make a vow that I shall not make the same mistake anymore and I mean it. if I didn’t do that, I have friends that will remind me so boy boy, next time cannot go out so often or else I can’t get my degree then who “yang” ni? So must understand okay? It’s for the future of us. You must also remind me that I have to put a lot of time in studies too. Although people may think that I am still immature and stuffs like that, I believe I will still hold on to my principle. :D
Having serious problems with my self confidence again, I mean AGAIN!!!! Oh my god, when will this stop? I ask myself but apparently, I don’t have an answer. I just feel that I am not good for my boy boy. He has already assured me about it but why???!?!? I am so damn pissed now. I think I will have to change this thinking of mine sooner or later or else I will be in deep trouble next time in my life. Something else that I have found out, the sea waves really has a soothing effect. Due to my confusion internally, I have gone to harbourfront to think about my mind. I needed to relax everything that I was thinking and the best thing is to feel the sea breeze and hear the sea waves. Nothing beats that!!! I am not sure about you but after being in the city for so long, it is the first time I think that the sea is a form of relaxation. I just love to sit and stare into the space. Blank my mind and forget everything that comes into my mind. Whenever I have insomnia, I will also clear my mind slowly. At first, everything will seem very complicated and crowded in my mind with a lot of freezy lines all around, next my mind will slowly be blank by wiping out the lines. This is another form of relaxation for me. Sometimes, I will be puzzled on why my mind is so cluttered. What is actually bothering me? I am not sure.