what is the title?

Think I am back to my old self. The old self that loves blogging. So people, I guess you are in luck again. But slowly, I felt that inner thoughts are far too abstract and mind wastage for me. All I can think now is reading my books and slacking through my whole holidays and it is no joke that I will do that. For the official report of what I have done this week is as below.
Firstly, I have went out four days out of seven days, which I felt was quite stupid because I went to orchard for like 3 times this week, not that orchard is a very nice place to hang out but it seem to be a norm for teenagers to go there now. (P/s: I am still a teenager!! Haha… just want to say it a few more months before I officially step into the era of the twenties. It is kind of scary though but age is something that comes naturally, I think)
Was sort of thinking how should I celebrate my Christmas this year, without anything is mind is sort of bad because I seriously don’t know what to do. Gift list are suppose to be up already but my mind is too caught up with my new hobby which is reading novels from an author named “yi su”. I think I am having an addiction currently because I have been reading her novels for the past week and I managed to complete five of her books. It is quite an accomplishment since I know I dread reading storybooks but something just attracts me to her style of writing. Don’t ever think they are love novels because I think they are just imaginary, ideal life that not many will achieve, maybe 1 % of the whole population in the world or even non existent. I think that love novels are just a fraud, making life seem so darn interesting and without worries. Couples bicker about stupid small things and always, a happy ending. I seriously don’t think that I would be having that kind of life so I just stick with realistic authors. The author I just mentioned is more of a realistic writer. She portrayed life with different difficulties and make me have a different perspective of life. Not that it had changed me totally but small changes will lead the overall change in life. ( I am really sorry but I think I am starting to write rubbish) However, I will still recommend the books she wrote to people who like Chinese novels and realistic ones. ( p/s: she has wrote over 200 novels until now and I think they are still publishing her books)
So much about my new found hobby which I am glad that I have enjoyed. Nothing beats a relaxing day without anything to do, drinking my milo and reading my books with one or two pieces of biscuits to chew on. Now I know why life is worth living. Heeehee…. Next on due is is is is….. I am not sure what I want to say. Let me think for one second…. Okay, I shall talk about the new “hot” topic that has been going round in the newspapers these few days. If you saw the newspapers in recent weeks, a lot of them were about Chinese in Singapore. Apparently, the government has discovered that Chinese in Singapore are not so well conversed in mandarin and some even think that Chinese is just an idiotic subject that pulls down their grade. I recognize that there are exceptions but the rising number of people who are feeling that mandarin are useless are increasing in great speed. thus the government set a policy where more subjects will be taught in Chinese so that the usage of Chinese will be more evitable. However, I think that this will not help a lot since that people will surely have difficulty adapting to the change, even if they are very well adapted to the Chinese teachings of certain subjects like mathematics in primary school, they have to readapt when they go to secondary levels. Do you even think that it is feasible to do that?
From what I know, mm lee thought that anybody could handle two languages, which certainly proved wrong looking at the situation now. My mum commented that what they want is people who are fluent in their English, have their creativity thinking but still holding on to their Asian values, like mm Lee. But if everybody has the intelligence of mm lee, mm lee would have been a nobody then. Life is full of contradictions. I knew that my Chinese was far better then my English ( not because my command of Chinese is very good but vice versa) thus I was wondering why I can’t really improve my English. When I asked my mum about it, she told me that Chinese is harder to handle because we have to remember every stroke of a word whereas in English, we will be able to write out the word based on the sound of the word. I pondered whether this is really true but after a while I simply gave up because I knew that interests have to play a major role in it. When you are willing to put in the hard work, you will certainly reap results. Maybe I should just face my problem that I have been trying to avoid this problem for as long as I lived. I should seriously think what I should do with it. Maybe I should read novels or something likewise. I am not too sure whether I will execute my vague plans in the future but I will seriously try my best.
I am too lazy to continue today. Maybe I will continue some other times.
Cheers!
( it was suppose to be a long time ago)

another post

Went out with my bestest best friend on Monday and the first thing that I see the change in her is that she is much more confident of her looks, wearing short skirt and heels. For me, I am still caught in the vicious cycle of not daring to wear skirt and all my shoes (except my slippers) are now in hall. Seeing her change makes me happy cause she has grown out of the era of “I don’t care about my looks”. I suppose lots of girls have either not have this stage or have grown out of the stage. For me, I have resisted change because I didn’t want to be part of the crowd and being “I want to be pretty” is just too much for me. I can’t imagine myself freaking out small pimples after a while or putting make up whenever I go into the toilet. She told me that change is normal which I have to agree as everybody will change after some time. It is a matter of what change has occurred in you. For me, through the first semester of the university years, I have learnt the true meaning of do your best and the rest don’t matter. I realized that if I wanted to compete with other people, I would have committed suicide and die. Also found out that I didn’t work as hard as before. It is my mistake and I make a vow that I shall not make the same mistake anymore and I mean it. if I didn’t do that, I have friends that will remind me so boy boy, next time cannot go out so often or else I can’t get my degree then who “yang” ni? So must understand okay? It’s for the future of us. You must also remind me that I have to put a lot of time in studies too. Although people may think that I am still immature and stuffs like that, I believe I will still hold on to my principle. :D
Having serious problems with my self confidence again, I mean AGAIN!!!! Oh my god, when will this stop? I ask myself but apparently, I don’t have an answer. I just feel that I am not good for my boy boy. He has already assured me about it but why???!?!? I am so damn pissed now. I think I will have to change this thinking of mine sooner or later or else I will be in deep trouble next time in my life. Something else that I have found out, the sea waves really has a soothing effect. Due to my confusion internally, I have gone to harbourfront to think about my mind. I needed to relax everything that I was thinking and the best thing is to feel the sea breeze and hear the sea waves. Nothing beats that!!! I am not sure about you but after being in the city for so long, it is the first time I think that the sea is a form of relaxation. I just love to sit and stare into the space. Blank my mind and forget everything that comes into my mind. Whenever I have insomnia, I will also clear my mind slowly. At first, everything will seem very complicated and crowded in my mind with a lot of freezy lines all around, next my mind will slowly be blank by wiping out the lines. This is another form of relaxation for me. Sometimes, I will be puzzled on why my mind is so cluttered. What is actually bothering me? I am not sure.

heehee.....

As promised, I’m back to my blogging. I think I should be blogging more often these few weeks and go into dormant stage due to the school days that await me in January. I do not dread my university life but whoever said that it was honeymoon was totally out. I’m not sure about other universities but in NUS, once you stop working hard, it will be hard for you to catch up. In my situation, I would say that it was rather true. In the past semester, besides studying everyday, slogging over tutorials and having talking sessions with my room mate, I was involved in a rather different event, which is a hall production which was held in August, I think. Time has passed me so fast that I cannot remember dates anymore. Time ticks every second pass me. The schedules are so packed that it seemed that time passes so fast. Three months would be a dread for me if I hadn’t studied and the period of time where I was doing practically nothing is just not the life for me. I realized I needed to do something that is fulfilling and I regretted not doing anything for the holiday before I started my university. There was so much time for me to waste that I don’t even consider them precious at all. But now, every second counts and I am just glad that I didn’t realized that too late.
I am obviously not talking about my exams. It is kind of a dread to me. Nevertheless, there are a hell lot of things that I can do besides having exams.
Learning to let go failure and picking up from there is a rather hard thing to do. I have tried it myself this semester where exams aren’t going exactly smoothly but I shall persevere next time. I shall push myself to the limit without breaking my neck and hopefully, there will be improvement in me. As you can obviously see, I am really not looking forward to seeing the results for this semester. Enough of that, I wanted to talk about other things other than studies (However, I would be very likely to grumble about my studies in the subsequent paragraphs.)
erm..... I realized that I do not have much to say other than grumbling about my studies. Let's talk about the day I went out with my very very good friend yesterday after I finished my examination.
I was actually meeting my friend (for short, I will use sr as it's her initials) and her friend at expo but I realised that my sense of time was too terrible that I decided to let go the opportunity to go to the animation exhibition. But to my surprise, they commented that there was nothing there and the exhibition was really small and there were stupid games going around at that point of time. I was actually relieved that I didn't do down as it would only mean that I would waste my time and money on traveling. We met up at orchard as I wanted to see whether there were any changes that had happened to Orchard. not forgetting that I wanted to see the Christmas decoration.( I am not actually looking forward to the decorations though as I wasn't expecting something great from the start)
when I reached somerset, I went up and there were people distributing the Singapore idol calendar and one of them were holding the flag featuring Taurik.( I am not sure whether I wrote his name correctly because I am simply not in to Singapore idol) However, the funny thing that I saw was that when one of them attempted to give the calendar to a girl, she just showed her poorly done Styrofoam board with SYL on it. I was actually laughing deep down when I saw that scene as it was kind of stupid in the girl's act. I don't know about you but I frankly think that the rivalry between the two finalists is heating up. Heehee.....
I met up with sr and friend and started walking down Orchard. But... I regretted my choice when I saw the crowd in at the traffic lights. I knew that I wasn't going to enjoy walking in Orchard today. Not forgetting the utterly disappointing decorations which seem like some unorganized hanging of streamers and whatever it's on the tree. It’s too terrible that I do not wish to comment any further. (See the degree of hate that I have for the decorations!) We only walked for about 2-3 hours and I decided we are out of this place. It was getting so congested on that side and I was thinking of my other half.
So we went to take neocard with sr and the results are quite satisfying actually. She smiled naturally, without spectacles and hair let down. If you want to see the picture of that neocard, go to my friendster and find. Maybe I will post it up or something like that. Have been slacking so much that this post was meant to be done on Saturday, and on Wednesday, I am still typing it now. I’m sorry guys. Have been feeling so lazy these few days that I have never entered this blog entry. So this is all for today.
Cheers!

I'm back

Seriously, I think I am not really blogging for quite a long while. I’m really not sure who has been reading my blogs nowadays. I am declaring that I will be stopping the blogging until 26th of nov, which is the end of my exams. Maybe some days in my life, I will pop up again and say hello to everybody, offer my inner thoughts and get on with my life again. However, the probability that it will happen is rather low judging from my blogging frequency nowadays. Have not been blogging for more than one month and nearing to two. Actually, time flies when I am studying. Although I have not been studying much or doing anything at all, all the lectures and all has been taking up my time. Slacking seems to be a luxury now and seriously looking forward to my holidays now. Haha….. the thought of it really makes me smile. Not really sure why but then again, I will have to mug for now. But the energy is still not coming out. hopefully, I will be able to pull through. For now, I will have to conserve my time to sleep and sleep. See you after the exams. :D
Cheers!

titleless 2

today, i am in the mood to blog again due to the slacking period that i want to experience during the night. it has been rather long since i blog. i know that i have been very lazy this period of time and that i have depression lately. it seems that i have got better. afterall, why be depressed? it's pointless and stupid. i have been trying to study this term break but apparently to no avial. i am too lazy to think about other stuffs and all. too much congestion of stuffs that nearly made my mind break.
i am glad that i am still surviving until now. although i may be experiencing the panda age now. i have get to know more people at least. feel that i dont open up usually. not sure why. i am trying to be sociable when i am not. some people say that blog is crap but who cares? i like it as this is where i consolidate all my thoughts. let me have a period of time dedicated to myself. not that i don't like my room mate but i would like some time for myself. it's just a paradox. i like to socialise yet i want to be alone at the same time. how many people actually feel this way too?
for today, i was packing my stuffs. with all the papers flying all around, i am getting irritated by the untidiness that i have now. actually lost two of my precious notes. wonder where have i put them. really wondering. not to forget, anybody has a good tape recorder to lend me? i desperately need one now as i will be skipping one week of my school and imagine the amount of things that i will miss during the one week. if anybody is willing to help me, please message me or just sms me? i will really appreciate it!!!! please, somebody!!! haha..... i am getting kind of crazy and hyper now.
oh ya.... something that i realised about myself lately. i don't usually give facial expressions even when i am happy or smsing or just messaging people as everybody around me tells me that i look damn serious when i am sending a sms and i can be damn dull looking when i am laughing in msn. i am really laughing and it's just that i am too lazy to show it on my face. people who talk to me personally will think that i am very dull as i have no facial expressions. haha.... think that is the reason why i am so solitary even when i want to socialise.
something to ponder upon today. i will be writing tomorrow again in my laptop and hopefully, i will be able to post it asap. :D

titleless

Decided to write a blog today because firstly, I do not have lab sessions at all and I really need to do something other then study. What have I to write? Nothing basically. I don’t have a very flourish life like other people. Oh… I suddenly remembered that I went for supper last night at fong seng at last. Was thinking when will I ever get a chance to go eat. Apparently it happened last night. Yea… my hall friends and I went to eat not the famous cheese prata, but the burger shop beside. It looks appealing actually as I didn’t eat it anyway. Wasn’t in the good mood to eat anything at that point of time. As a Aquarian, I needed space for myself which apparently my friends don’t realize and keep asking me why am I stoning, am I tired and that kind of things. Although I kept assuring them I am alright, they kept asking me and i…. hmm… (do not wish to elaborate more. haha... )
Time is just insufficient for me, people complaining that I wasn’t taking out time for them. What do you want me to do? Quit university and stay at home is it?!??!?! really hope that they understand that I have no life currently. Trying my very best to balance all my stuffs out. Trying to study in a rather unconducive (I know it’s wrong but…) environment. Suddenly realized that it really takes self-discipline to excel. I may want to make this blog private again. It’s so damn sad when I can’t get to say what I want to say. Haha…. Thinking of going to beach tonight but nobody is apparently accompanying me which is kind of scary. Wonder what I should do today. Commit suicide? Go and shop? Or just stone the whole damn day? Actually, stoning is really insufficient for me and with people pissed off with me. maybe i should have other plans
(as again, I am not going to really do what I stated in the above so don’t worry)
Cheers

Tired

I’m actually getting more adapted to my university life now. Making new friends and getting better at the pace of the studies. I am actually quite ashamed that I haven’t been revising my work and I’m actually trying very hard to do the revision now. I’m actually thinking that I would bring my laptop home this weekend to do some work. I’m actually trying to read my philosophy papers now but it seems that I’m feeling rather down. With all the workload I’m facing and the pressure to make new friends increase, my support has seemingly stopped to. Now, I know that small little things in conversation really matters. I’m really not good at speaking and have offended many people in a way. Maybe I should just shut up and keep myself in a room. My intended life is kind of in a haywire and I’m really not sure how long will I be able to hold on. The purpose of me writing this and not doing my work is rather obvious. I have been fighting the depression now and actually tried to deny it but now I am tired of it. I’m tired of trying to do all the stuffs at one go. I’m tired. Really tired….
I know what I have written seems like signs that I’m gonna give up and all. Actually, I just need a place to let out all my frustration. I know in my heart where I will go. Sometimes, I need space to breathe, need time to think and need time to be myself. Can’t really understand why I am in this state. Friends, don’t worry, I just need to breathe the fresh air that once were and get on with my life.
Cheers

beginning of uni life

life have been quite hard for me actually. i had another entry in my laptop which is currently situated in the computer centre and i am dire to get it back as i really do not want to rely on the computer in the library whereby there will be a situation where people who be staring at me like a hawk which is kind of irritating. less on that for now.
i am quite down on luck this few weeks but the situation has started to take a better light now. i am happy with my modules although it constitutes part of the down on luck part. Things has passed and I'm really glad that i am able to get 5 modules this sem. i really do not want to stress myself up too much as i am having a hard time adapting to the hostel life mainly due to the fact that i wasn't able to join the hall orientation and not able to find many friends in a sense. Sudden sadness also overwhelmed me when i was sitting alone in the small room of mine. sorry, but i was really homesick last week. actually this is part of my plan of getting into university life where i will learn my independance and stuffs like that. Maybe you would think i must be crazy torturing myself for doing things that are not neccessary. however, i beg to differ as i view that i should be more independant rather than always depending on my parents everytime. if i am going to do it in one go in my career, i will probably die. i am already dying here so please help. really glad that i have a support that i duly hold on to. independance is a hard thing for me put nevermind, i will get through it eventually.
i will stop here for a while as i need to register for my tutorial time slots. heehee.... i will be updating as soon as i get hold of my laptop.
Cheers!

driving + akido

After some time, I realized that I should keep track of what I do during my driving lessons so as to learn from the mistakes and not make it the next time. Just went for my beloved driving lessons and it’s quite smooth except the fact the I stopped after the white line into a yellow box when the light turns yellow. I’m not sure why did I do that, maybe it’s due to the fact that I misjudged the location of the white line as it is a T junction and the white line a far behind. My instructor also reprimanded me for not letting go of the accelerator when I’m changing gear and lastly, he said my U turning is not the perfect state. As you can see, I’m still not a safe driver but I’m enjoying my driving lessons. Sometimes I wonder whether I should go to the arcade to race some cars. Just for fun as driving on the road seems too serious some times and I need to put in 100% of concentration, tiring me out. 
 
Went for a session of akido where I’m just there to look and observe. Have been wondering whether I should join this martial arts where attack is not even important. There are actually 3 groups training but I figured out that I should look at the most elementary as the others are too complicating for my eyes. I was concentrating but the energy that is left in me is just too low for me to see the smooth movements executed. Thus there’s this couple that just joined the group and are starting to learn to rolling forward and backward. Seems easy when the sensei(teacher) executed the move but when the students tried to roll, you can see them rolling all over the place. Then the sensei told them, “focus your eyes towards the front because when you do so, you will be able to move in a straight line.” Of course the students followed the instructions and they stopped rolling all over the place which is kind of miraculous. Thus I was thinking, “when you are focus at one point, you should be able to achieve it in the end.” Therefore it led me to the philosophy of life one way or the other.
 
Next came the rolling backward movement, the sensei explained the positioning of the body and executed it in a slow motion. The students followed and the male student made it. However, the female student just can’t roll over even after a few tries. The male student was rolling in a straight line through the mat and seems happy with his capability to roll backwards whereby the female student is still struggling. After a while, the sensei came over and demonstrated how to do it again and pointed out that the female student is not focusing enough. Maybe I should explain why. To execute this move, the person has to tilt her head opposite to the shoulder that’s going to touch the ground first thus not spraining her head in the process and using her leg to push herself so as to create a momentum. However, when the female is executing the movement, her head turned to the back (maybe it’s out of fear) and the result is failure. I think that many people will also do the some thing as the female including  me as I fear that I would sprain my back and wanted to ensure everything is well in the process(if I have done so) and it seems hard to actually push her leg given the position they are in at that point of time. The female got frustrated and kind of give up and the male partner came out and helped her by explaining the whole process again. It actually helped her and she succeeded once. I also felt happy for her as I can see she’s trying very hard. Thus they went on with the next movement.
 
The next movement is the “walking on knees movement”. Due to the fact that I don’t know Japanese, thus the name sounds a bit weird. Haha…. so the sensei go on explaining how to do it and the students also done it in a relatively short period of time. I heard that it is easy to execute the movement when going forward but not when you want to move in different directions. But the sensei did it like it seems like nothing. I believe that’s why he’s the sensei. Haha…. it went on to positioning of the standing posture and grabbing the opponents hand with one movement. It’s relatively easy and they were practicing it until the end of the lesson. For the other groups, they are practicing the same movement for two whole hours. In spite of that, I still don’t really know what are they doing. Was concentrating on the elementary class as you can see. So yea, that’s all for the 2 hours I spent there watching.
 
At that point, I was thinking that I am definitely going to take a long time to learn as I have to admit that I am a slow learner and therefore the sensei will be crying trying to teach me. I’m really not confident after seeing the many details that I required executing a move. Although I was told that it’s a matter of practice, I’m going to be totally dead but I guess it’s good when you want to train your focusing and be a more gracious person towards the society. so I will continue pondering about whether I want to join. Should I become a gracious being on earth?
 
There’s a lot of details that I have not specified as I am feeling a little groggy due to the draining of energy when I was concentrating on my driving and it’s also partially due to the fact that I’m lazy.
 
Going to take a nap soon.
 
Cheers!

sO lOnG~~

Haven’t been blogging for quite a while, due to many things that have happened in my life. Having performances, buying clothes, bags, shoes and hopefully a new wallet too and excited about going to school to know new friends and activity partners. I’m not sure about other people who are going into university but it seems that I am not the least frightened, I’m looking forward to it totally. YEAH!!!!

Maybe people will start to worry about getting used to the new environment and the unknown future that beholds. With my understanding of myself, I should get used relatively fast and I don’t really bother about the future. Now you know the Samantha who is writing this blog. I’m kind of in a hyper mood, though I’m not sure why is that so. Maybe too much childhood memories have overwhelmed me yesterday.

I have been getting frustrated with my handphone recently because apparently, there is a problem with the LCD where lines start to appear and making a square out of them. Initially, I wasn’t frustrated due to the fact that the phone is under a year’s of warranty and the all repairs should be free. But when I took the warranty card out and read through the details, there is portion that wrote that I need to mail back within seven days of purchasing of the phone or the warranty will be nulled. Due to the fact that I have been living in Singapore, the nanny state, for far too long , I only learnt how to obey rules. I went to a state where my mind is unstable and if I have hurt anybody in the process, I would like to apologise. Have been worrying about the warranty even when I was in front of the service counter on sunday. I just told the service officer that I have this problem where the LCD have lines appearing on it and showed my phone to him. He just took a look at my phone and asked me for the warranty card. My mind was starting to make preparation for an argument where the company that I bought the phone from did not tell me about mailing the warranty card(which is true).

However, the person didn’t look up at all, he just wrote the problem and the details and asked me to sign thereafter. I was kind of in shock because everything was going on fine and he didn’t even start an argument. All the worry that I have been suffering through was all for nothing. That seems to be one of my shortcomings, becoming frustrated over nothing. Sometimes, I really want to laugh about my stupidity over certain things. Maybe that’s how all of us grow out of ourselves, finding how stupid we have been through the years. I’m not surprised with people who don’t because they chose to remain at a certain stage of their life. Are the afraid to take up new challenges or they just want to hold on to what they have, afraid that they will one day forget how they have lived when they are younger.

Let’s put it this way, when we are young and demanded stuffs like cd player that seemingly are cheaper to those of other brands, thus many of us begged our parents and get angry with them when we can’t have it as our birthday present. Some people bear a grudge over this matter and claimed that their parents don’t love them I’m guilty of this too. haha…. I’m always not contented with things that I have until I lost them and I will start to regret. As I grow older, I learn to appreciate things that may seem small. Something that I’m really glad that I’ve overcome partially now although there are still times where such urges do come back. (I’m contented with my phone. :D)

Maybe that’s why the Nigerians are the happiest people on earth. (if you don’t have an idea why I brought the Nigerians in, you should read the Straits Times today) with no material needs, they just need to have a home and food to eat, nothing else matter anymore. Maybe I should also seek this path of life, which is an ideal. I just can’t bear to let go of my computer and handphone and things that have integrated into our life. that’s why it’s best to start with nothing because you no longer yearn it and have an environment where having the latest products does not matter at all.


Okay, there’s one phenomenon that I noticed when was standing at the mrt platform. Females at the platform will always glance at the glass panels when they are walking or standing in front of the platform. I’m not too sure about the reason why? Admiring their beautiful builds? Anybody care to enlighten me so as to why they do that? Maybe I will explore this area in later issues. Haha…

Cheers!

maSs bLaCkoUt

After quite a long while, I’m back from my beloved blog. For today’s entry, I’m not sure whether I want to go in depth so let’s see how much my stamina can go after a day’s of walking in NUS and shopping malls yesterday, the fact that I slept at 330h, woke up at 0800h for a one and a half hour of driving lessons and just reached home. I’m deprived form strength and sleep thus my mental state seems a little groggy. I think I’m sounding very singlish for the above statement, I shall edit when my state of mind is clearer and if I remember that I wanted to edit. :P

If you are living in Singapore, I guess the most significant that happened to the country should be the blackout that happened two days ago. Before the actual blackout, I was talking on the phone and suddenly the lights went out. My first weird reaction was to look out of the window to see whether the other flats have blacked out too. I shall justify as why my reaction was as above. Actually, in Singapore, I have never seen a “mass blackout” and was always interested to see how it will turn out to be and whala… my dream came true this very day. however, the lobby of condominium opposite my house was on and I was saddened by the fact that I can’t see the pitch dark Singapore. I would say I was pretty excited that the streetlights and traffic lights of gone as well and I was kind of hoping some car will crash. Yes, I’m quite sadist if you don’t know me just yet. Therefore, I was running around, admiring the nearly pitched dark Singapore. I know I’m too old for this but it was like MASS BLACKOUT! Sorry readers, I’m emphasizing too much on the mass blackout but it’s really a MASS BLACKOUT. Oh my god, here I go again.
 
Guess what I saw as I was looking out of the window? Personally, I feel it’s quite crazy as people are actually taking photos. Taking photos??!!!! People, we are deprived of blackouts that people has to take photos to leave it as a memoir. There are also people playing with torches which are kind of expected because citizens of Singapore are deprived of blackouts. But the most hilarious thing that I saw is that people are playing with stick fireworks or whatever that is called. I was like ?!!?!?!? Are they expecting the blackout and have prepared stick fireworks to play with? Something that I don’t intend and bother to find out either. Later my friends started to message me about their homes have blacked out too and I started hoping that the whole of Singapore are blacked out but my disappointment came when my aunt told us that yishun is perfectly alright and there goes my hope too. (sadist mind at work)

I also found out something, we can’t use our handphones to call but we can message. something that buffled me as I always thought that there’s no difference in messaging and calling. Thus I found out that they are under different system and I guess I may find out further of how it works in the future. If readers have any information on this, please drop a note or comment for me, I’m interested to know.

As time drag by, I started to get tired of this whole thing, I can’t bath without lights, my beloved computer is off, there’s no fan to regulate the house and I have to light candles which made me perspire. Some people may think why we used the candles instead of torches. Actually, it’s better to use candle because it lights up the whole place while torches can only shine on a particular area so we can’t see everything in one glance. Maybe that’s my logic so if you beg to differ, it’s perfectly alright with me. haha…. after two long hours at midnight, my area finally lit up. Oh heavens, that is actually kind of great because I can serve the net(most importantly), bath, brush my teeth and sleep. Some people cheered and there’s no accident at the cross junction within my sight. Sobs. :P I’m summarizing because I’m in desperate need of a nap as I’m deprived of sleep. Maybe I will add another entry tonight or in the near future.

Also I would like to thank people from project arts as they brought us around NUS and recommended yong tau foo from arts canteen. It’s yummy and I’m looking forward to university life and hopefully, I can join the camp too!! Really want to join as I feel you guys are really great and helpful. Sorry about my crappy mouth yesterday, I think I talk too much. (something I’m surprised of because I thought I would be quiet little girl hiding at one corner) I feel like vomiting out of a sudden, I wonder why? Haha…. I’m really deeply touched by yu fen’s attempt to make the pancake and it’s a success! Wha…. I’m actually surprised and touched! (see, I repeated touched) also met serene and cherlyn from my secondary school, I’m quite shocked and glad! Hope to get connected to you girls and I’m desperately thinking of getting a shoutbox! It’s easier for my crapping session that’s on for 24 hours.

P/s: I’m not using proper English today so look out for other issues if you want to see my “more” decent English as my brain is not working properly today.
Cheers!

making pancake

today is an easy to digest kind of entry because it's all about making pancakes! it's my mum's recipe and she wanted me to type it out so i was thinking i might as well update on my blog because it's rather easy to make and i like the pancake. here's the recipe for the pancake

Pancakes

Ingredients:

Flour 1 ½ cup
Eggs 4 medium-sized
Vanilla essence 1 teaspoon
Milk 1 cup
sugar 3 tablespoon
A pinch of Cream of tartar
One small piece of melted butter

Method:

1) separate the egg yolks from the egg whites and beat the egg whites until it produces some bubbles, add cream of tartar and sugar and beat until stiff.
Set aside the egg white mixture(portion 1)
2) Mix all the other ingredients well(portion 2)
3) fold portion 2 into portion 1 and mix by hand.
4) Brush some oil on the heated pan for the first pancake so that it will not stick to the pan. The pan should be on a medium heat
5) Put a small ladle of the mixture on the pan and spread the mixture using a circular motion. Flip to the other side when you see bubbles forming on the mixture.
6) The pancake will be ready once the latter side turns brown and whala!!! You get your pancake!

so if you have time, why not try it?!

cLAsS gaTheRiNG

Had a good time with my fellow classmates at my friend’s birthday party. We had not catch up for a rather long time and I’m really glad that I had the opportunity to talk to them again in my lifetime. This is one of the relationships that I really treasure. Have you caught up with somebody that you have not met in 6 years’ time. Maybe some have met one or two of them but I’m meeting 10 over people at one shot here so what can I say? I’m really fortunate and glad that I had classmates that are willing to take the trouble to organize this gathering!
Although we had not much to talk about and were only cracking up jokes and updating one another of the things that happened in our life, the bond between the people still exist. Sometimes, we may just pop out memories of what happened in the past and laugh about stuffs that we shared. It is always good to remember how we gone through that period of time. These are memories that cannot be bought by anything. It will certainly stay in my heart. If you remember, I touched on memories in my earlier blogs and I commented that why do you still hang on to the old memories and not move forward. I had an answer to my own question. That is memories has unseen powers that will push people to greater heights. I believe the power is a lot greater than having aspiration because there is a certain degree of uncertainty in having aspiration but when we have memories, it is history but it holds a lot of values and it serves as a guide to how we have changed. I really felt so relieved that I took my time out to go for this gathering, a power from my fellow primary classmates has given me the power to face challenges ahead of me. I’m not sure how did they do that but I’m really grateful of them.
I’m actually quite tired after the whole thing but I wished to put down the thoughts in my mind now so that I will remember it as I read this issue again. I really want to thank Weitian in particular for organizing the gathering! Hope to see the guys again for the next gathering cause I have much fun laughing and talking during the gathering!
Cheers!

depression

I’m updating my blog! But it may due to the depressing mood that I’m experiencing that pushes me to update my blog. Don’t worry, it’s not a complain session because it’s a cycle whereby we will experience ups and downs and I’m currently having the down season. Since I have made my blog public, I noticed that I have quite a few friends who are blogging as well and that made me feel a fit in. I’m not too sure why I was feeling that but it sort of feel great as we will be updating each other without always talking to one another. These blogs will serve as a gauge for me of how my mindset will be changing as I go through different phases in life. I will be interested to look back to the earlier issues in 2 year’s time. ( I really hope that I remember it)

Depression seems to be a norm in most people and I think the most important thing is to find out a way to solve the problem and personally, I solved it through writing as what I am currently doing. It kind of relieves my frustration and makes me feel comfortable after the whole event of writing. In the past, I don’t write as I feel it’s useless to write to oneself but after I found out something named blog, I started to write in paragraphs and paragraphs although there may not be people reading it in the end. I notice a lot of people saying that I’m writing way too long but I shall seek the path my heart desire. Of course I would want to actually have readers reading it but I feel that I shall not compromise my writing as well. Thus I shall apologise to fellow readers who are complaining that it’s my style that I’m writing long blogs and for goodness sake, I’m not competing with anybody. Other people sought the route of talking to friends or lovers about the problem or doing something that they are really great in so as to sense achievement again. I have my own reasons of not doing all those stated above. Firstly, I really hate to bore my friends and family by my complaints because some things cannot be solved and complaining will only be wasting both of our time. Why not do something more meaningful? Secondly, I’m not great in anything exactly so it boils down to only writing. It rules!
p/s: actually, i wrote this issue a few days ago so i am just posting what i wrote that day. Cheers!

dreams-part 2(diverted to money) =P

Today is a bright shiny day and miraculously, I woke at 0830h! sorry for the silly introduction but I really felt that way. :D I’m going to touch on my dreams section again. I was pondering whether I should write on dream lover or dreams or dream life. The decision has been made and I have decided to write on dream life, dream lover and dreams will be other parts of the dream series!
What’s your dream life? For me, my dream life is to earn a humongous amount of money so that I do not have to hesitate when I want to buy anything. Next, I want to have a great husband and no children. I don’t really like children after my experience with them yesterday. I do not deny that they are cute and cuddly sometimes, but the amount of terror they actually do is far more than when they are cute. when they actually grow into teenage years, we have to worry about their circle of friends, their academic grades, their safety on roads and more that I do not wish to elaborate. When they do not get married by 30, you will start to worry whether they will remain a bachelor or spinster for life. I’m still not sure why there is stigma where being single is something that is not desirable. Can the reason be that we are made into this world to be attached? Married? Have children? Got carried away again. Haha… thirdly, I want to live happily ever after. After some surveying, many people want to lead my life too(maybe except they want to have children)
Here, we are faced in a situation where a lot of people are obsessed with money and all of them want to have a dream lover. I shall proceed to touch upon to the obsession of money. Personally, I feel that I have quite a high degree of this obsession and it may be due to my family background. There’s a Chinese saying where we can’t live without money. Something that I feel it’s really true but to think of it, how did money come about? Why do people want to make something called money? For their ego to showoff their power? Or to balance up a system whereby the intellectual, creative and hardworking ones get the right amount of money they earn? Personally, I think the last one is the ideal to my question. I do not deny that there’s an existence of such a group of people and they are ultimately the richest ones around. (I can’t quote any examples. Maybe Bill Gates? The creator of Creative?) care to share examples if you know of any? But there are also very rich people who just lived off other people’s wealth like Victoria Beckham, Paris Hilton and fellow sister. I’m sure many girls are envy of them as they could buy all the things that they possibly want, be it Gucci, hmm… I’m bad at branded goods, getting to know famous and handsome guys and posing for photographs for magazines and all. Dream life for most girls. Guess maybe luck does play a part in the amount of wealth we could own in our lifetime. I guess the inventor of money really makes our life difficult, with everybody slogging their life to earn only a shrimp sum of money and the worse thing is we can’t really save it up as we have to buy everyday necessity and our wants. I feel that it’s our wants that actually suck up all the money we have. Thus we are stuck in a vicious cycle that we will normally spend the amount the earned. I feel that it’s hard to actually break this cycle given the fact that many people, especially girls value their wants as part of necessity if you understand what I mean. I’ve not been in the society just yet but I think with all the peer pressure we get during work where we will some bitches commenting about what their colleagues wear and squeak over colour mismatch, we are usually embarrassed. Let’s face it! How can you ever avoid such gossips when you are a girl yourself. Personally, I think I will not be able to stand it. I know all about being yourself and that kind of stuffs but can we actually practice it in real life. Hardly, I say.
So how do we break out of this cycle? Investments? Shrimp and save like aunties who will complain when there’s a difference of 10 cents in different supermarkets? Or just marry a rich significant other? Let us analyse the possible outcomes to my suggested answers.
Investing in shares is the most possible to break out of the cycle but it’s also the most dangerous of all my suggested solutions because you never know that you may dig deeper to your grave. If you don’t understand what I mean, think about the 1997 crisis where there are many people jumping down buildings and bankruptcy numbers shot up? Know the reason behind it? Shares. We are hit by the economic crisis in like 95 or 96 and the stocks has plunged way low in 1997, thus a lot of people ASSUMED that the shares are bound to bounce back in no time and they hope that it will be an opportunity where they can make it big at last. Please note that most of these people are from middle class where they have their own home from their hard-earned money but not enough hard cold cash to invest. Therefore their strategy is to mortgage everything that they own and invest it all into the shares. You don’t have to guess what happened next. With news about people jumping down the buildings, you are not expecting the shares to soar. Maybe it’s due to the fact that they cannot accept their failure. They are really selfish people because when they leave this world for the other, their kins have to bear the consequences which are normally the innocent parties with little or no ability to work. Therefore, investing in shares are dangerous because it’s really unpredictable and you may lose a bundle in a matter of days. I shall not discuss the other investments as I’m not really sure about them. The reason being they didn’t make it into prime news so I can’t be bothered actually.
Next strategy is to shrimp and save, I feel that it’s a long process and the results are not really evident. In a long term, it’s really saves quite a bit of money but some shoppers overdo it. For example, there are some people who took a cab that may cost about 10 bucks to get a free bottle that may only cost for about 5 bucks. You may think it’s stupid, but it really happened as I came across news of this. So save when you can but do not overdo it.
To marry the rich significant other may be the fastest solution but will it last? I may elaborate on it in the later issues.
However, in another light, with everybody working hard and all, the world progresses towards new dimensions and creations at a faster pace. I have been always fascinated by the creations. For example the creations in ig’s heaven and molecule. When I pass by these type of shops, I never fail to go in and take a look at the newest creations, be it a simple paperweight or just a thermometer. Maybe it’s due to the fact that I never had a creative mind in the first place. Haha…
Oh no! I’m have diverted my topic to money. Will elaborate on dream life next issue. My brain cells are totally dead now so I can’t really continue to talk about this topic. Maybe I will add certain points when I think of it. :D
Cheers!

frog in the well

As i'm going to make this blog public, i have edited some of my post so don't be surprised. haha..... I will also use a milder tone when approaching my topics so that i will not scare away my friends. :D
today, i was reading one of my friend's blog and i found out that i'm totally naive and could only see the cream of the cake. I'm impressed by how the readers commented and if you wish to see it for yourself, it's http://www.banedon.blogspot.com. do drop by and take a look.
after reading the blog, i felt ashamed of myself as i was not able to argue simple and major issues. I'm already 19 and do not wish to be labeled as naive when i step into the society. Thus, i better buck up and read more! to think of it, i really shouldn't blame the teachers for failing my gp. i really suck at it. oops.....
i will no longer be a frog in the well!
Cheers!

dReAmS-- PaRt 1

I was deadbeat from the two performances I had in one weekend so it has prevented my brain cells from working for a while. But today, I'm totally free of stress and with adrenaline pumping all over me,
I believe most of us have dreams.
Let's explore about dream jobs. Dreams of being on screen seems to be one of the most common dream for girls including the past me. Being on screen seems to be the most glamorous job that anybody can have. Wearing pretty and expensive clothing and able to kiss handsome actors(like Brad Pitt) and seems to send girls into seventh heaven. All of them seem to lead a luxurious life and thus it seems to be the most perfect job in the whole world, is there anything more to ask for? However, I beg to differ. In these few years of pondering what shall I pursue in my life, I suddenly found out that being an onscreen performer(especially when you are a female) is the worst job you can ever have. It may seem that I must be stupid or idiotic to for me to say that but I will support my stand with things that you may have neglected.
Let’s see, we shall discuss about the show that everybody knows, American Idol. It has nothing to do with Simon Cowell and whoever the other judges are. Apparently, I have never watched a single episode of it. Personally, I feel that’s it’s a fabulous show as it uncovers real talents and gives a strand of hope to those who are in difficult situations.(like the latest winner who is a single mum) But why didn’t I catch a single episode of it? I can’t be bothered to be watching this show as it may become addictive. Mind you, I have many other better things to do then trying to catch every single episode of American Idol every week. No offence to those who are in love with the show. I just don’t wish the restrict my social activities by this show.
From the information I gather from my friends who catch this show, everybody sings very well in the show(of course, they are chosen from thousands of people. If they can’t sing, the production team should really consider sacking Simon and fellow judges). So it boils down to training and understanding themselves, luck and popularity. The first two criteria really depends on the participants themselves as nobody can motivate and understand themselves more than their own. Luck depends on god and the last depends on the audiences and the judges. Out of the four criteria that I listed, popularity seems to be the most important factor. If the audiences don’t like you, out you go as they are the consumers. Thus it’s really important of how you present yourselves in front of the judges and the audiences.
Thus, appearance is one of the most important aspects of surviving in the singing industry. You beg to differ? An example to support my stand is Rubin and Clay. Rubin became the winner of American Idol but Clay is the one who is distributing the second album. Therefore my conclusion is that having the voice isn’t everything. The world wants to be fair but can it? No. However, it does not mean that people who are not of the ideal weight or looks are not going to be good stars. Christina Aguilara is one fine example that weight isn’t everything and I’m all for her. Her voice is good! Anybody with horrendous looks? I can’t think of any now? If you know of any please inform me. glad to hear it from you.
There’s another industry that looks and appearances are the most important above all others. The movie industry. it’s very evident when you start to hear criticisms from fashion designers about how did the stars wear for formal occasions and there’s even a top ten list for wearing terribly. If it happens to me, I will probably kill the fashion designer! I’m sorry for being too critical but what’s the heck is the fashion designer trying to bother about how people wear? Go and design your own clothes and just shut your mouth. Oops…. When actresses start to grow wrinkles when they are 40(which is normal), other people start to freak out and say that the actresses are old and should just leave the movie industry. however, if the actresses do not have wrinkles when they hit 40, they will start to say the actresses went for plastic surgery. What a paradox! So what should they do? I suggest they commit suicide before 40 so that people will not see their wrinkles at all. My point is that getting old is a no-no in the movie industry. Even young actresses are victims of plastic surgeries when they have a slight change in their faces. People will change as they go through different type of stages and experience different things like joy or depression thus I deem slight changes in face to be natural. Another no-no in movie industry is to be fat. This is one of the problems that nearly all girls are faced with. Not being the ideal shape seems to be a sin and they got all depressed when they gain 0.5kg of weight. They start to complain and look for easy alternatives like slimming pills. (I’m sure that if I’m going into this slimming industry, I’m going to get rich!) Stars get criticized when they gain weight and the actresses will normally sought help from slimming centers and become their representatives. The worst thing that I found out is that the reporters don’t even let ex-actresses go. My goodness! I can see that they are really desperate for news. Haha… Once the actresses are not of ideal weight, it seems that the chance of them getting on screen will also decrease except for Lydia Sum? Maybe I should correct my point that actresses can only go to the extremes and not the average build.
Especially in Hong Kong where there is abundance of tabloid reporters, the lives of onscreen performers seem terrible. Imagine people scavenging your rubbish to find out what you are eating, being stalked by people and not having any personal space. I cannot imagine how my life will go on, I will probably go crazy. I’m not blaming the tabloid reporters as they need to do such stuffs in order to keep money rolling into their bank account. Who would want to scavenge other people’s rubbish in the first place?
Therefore, I conclude that being a star is torturous even though it may seem glamorous at first. Heehee… dreams part two will be out soon!

CrYiNg

Today I went to orchard road and saw my ex-band conductor but I didn’t go up to say hi as he was comforting a girl who was crying at a corner. I was happily eating my taro pie and I figured that I should not go up and disturb them as it isn’t the right atmosphere to do so.
For love? For friendship? For grades? For family problems? Or for other unknown reasons? I’m not sure as I don’t know her at all but it started my brain cells to work again. Since young, I was named a crybaby due to the sole reason that I will use my cry to soft any problems that I encounter. As I grow older and being more mature, I feel that crying no longer helps. You may argue that crying may lighten the mental burden. It may be true but personally, I don’t feel that way. Crying is useless for me. It can’t solve the problem and I get scolding or reprimanded. Either way, it serves no purpose at all.
I started to turn back and look at circumstances that I will cry. When I was 0-1 years old, I will cry because I needed to drink milk or when I have a fall. It’s normal to everybody. As I grow to an age of about 4-5 years old, I started to cry because I could not get what I wanted to buy be it sweets or walkie-talkie. (I’m not into dolls and I’m pondering about the reason. =P) I’m not really sure whether I cried from 6-10 as that seem to be my happiest days of my life where I’m enjoying too much of it and forgot about crying. Many memories that I will update you in my later entries. :D During early teenage years, people was crying because of jealousy, be it friendship or siblings. (see? I’m using people and not me because I wasn’t crying because of that) I’m blaming that on hormonal changes. I feel that it’s due to hormonal changes where people become insecure and desperately want an identity in the vast world. It’s evident when you see teenagers dress themselves up and joining gangs or acting like one. The latter is one of the acts that I feel is totally naïve and stupid even when I was going through that stage. I was crying because of grades even until when I graduated from junior college(high school). After I had my A-level examinations and had some minimal experience on working life, I felt that I was stupid because life is not about grades? Why did I cry? Maybe it’s due to the fact that I can’t afford to lose due to my ego. However, I changed my perspective, I will give my best shot and that’s it! That’s it! Haha…. Talking about my minimal working life, I cried too! Something I find that it’s hilarious because at that point of time, I was thinking that I’m not up to the expectation of my boss and get frustrated. I forgot that I have tried my best and I pushed myself to the limit. Something I overlooked and at think of it, I blamed myself for being unconfident about my performance.
My life is still going on as I’m going to live out of precious my teenage years and I shall not elaborate why people cry when they are getting older as I have never personally been through it. I feel that I will have certain degree of biasness and thus I shall not risk being accused of having one now.
As we live through our lives, we start to understand things in a better light and learn how to cope with difficult situations in a more apprehensive way . personally, I learnt that crying is no longer to any problems except for mental alleviation. In the future, I may have see crying in a differently and I will update it. I’m feeling excitement as well as fear towards my future. I have many lessons to be learned and I’m Really looking forward to my destiny!
Cheers!

sorry!

haha... i'm really sorry. haven't been updating for a long time. i promise i will update tonight so Cheers!!!

AdDiCtEd

After some days of blogging, I found that I’m totally addicted to it! I’m not sure why I’m addicted however, the problem is that I can’t always be updating due to the sole reason that I do not want to be over anxious on what I want to write. I really do not hope to see my blog become a pile of rubbish after a while. maybe i will up date once in a week. having all me personal problems also pulls me down sometimes. so my brain cells are too preoccupied with things to think seriously what i want to write. You will understand what I mean after raeding my blog entry today. sorry! Having this blog let me express certain things that I can’t exactly tell people in the “real world” of ours. It’s solely to share it with strangers that may just happen to drop by and take a look at it. I welcome any comments, whether it’s critical or a pleasant hello to me.
Do you feel the same way as me? why do we start to blog? Have you ever thought of that? You may say that it's an online diary. I'm not stamping out the probability of that but seriously, i thought that diaries are suppose to be personal items that are not usually shared with people? Are we seeking for condolences or for solutions or maybe find bloggers that share the same ideas with us? what are we seeking in this private yet open space with dear servers of the internet.
I feel that in this “real world” of us, there are many things that can’t be told to other souls as it may turn against us someday. Maybe I’m thinking too much but it's possible, don't you think so?. Maybe it’s due to the fact that I’m not occupied by work or school thus resulting in the overflowing of brain cells. Therefore, I decided to let my excess brain cells to do the thinking, not only about the blog but other areas of life.
Suddenly, I feel that life is to much of a probability game where almost every decision you make are based on probability. We can't be absolutely sure of everything we do because everytime when we were sure about certain things, it may backfire with undesirable consequences. thus, a kind of fear has then instilled into us where we are not sure with every step we take, especially when we know that the decision is going to affect our lives. whether big or small, it will be a game where we will play as we live on in this world. Don't you agree?
With the luxury life that i am living now(playing computer games and writing blogs), i think i should put aside time to think about some what ifs so as to better prepare myself towards the future. Hmmm.... should i be cremated or burried? see my point now if you don't already?
Cheers!

AnOtHeR uPdaTe~

Warning! Today’s a complain session so you can just skip this whole lot if you hate to see me whining over some minute stuffs. No in depth session today!
Today, my day is all well until now. Went to practice in the morning and came back for a nap. That’s all so sweet until I received a phone call from my brother’s classmate’s parent who lectures me about what I should do to help my brother to do better in his studies because his grades aren’t close to ideal. Oh damn, is it my fault that my brother isn’t doing well? Even if I wanted to push him, he would just be lazing around, doing everything else but study. Is it my fault that he didn’t want to study? Who is she to come and talk all the damn stuffs with me? it’s as if I am the one responsible for all his studies. Tell me things like “you should help him, you know? You are his sister. He has language problem you know?” I bet she thinks my command of language is good but unfortunately, my grades in the English language if failing and I can’t seem to know why myself and somebody comes and tell me that you should help your brother that kind of thing. (as my blog is read by people whom I know or are civilized people, I shall attempt to be as civilized as possible in order to keep the image I always had) but I damn pissed. Oops…… guess I can’t do much when I’m too pissed now.
It’s not that I don’t know that my brother isn’t that intellectual as he don’t go to top notch schools and does not score straight A’s but so do I? But I eventually manage to scrape through. My brother is sec 3 and you want me to pass my kind of system to him? I mean students that age have their own set of thinking and I really do not wish to become a bossy sister to tell him what he should do as I will be damn angry if my parents asked me to things not the way I wanted it. Something that I was angry other than that, she (the parent) has to tell me that his son has autistic(I don’t what the heck is that. Suppose it’s people who has language problem too) and can score two A’s for his mid year examination and one of them is self studied. I agree the it’s really an accomplishment especially that the fact that the self-studied subject is Additional mathematics but Do I care whether her son gets two A’s for his mid year examinations? NO! later, she’s telling me the logic that it doesn’t matter if the child has language problem, he will do well under supervision. Don’t you think that she’s implying to me that it’s my parents are not making the effort thus my brother can’t do well for his studies. Oh please! Do you think will there ever be parents in Singapore that do not care about their child’s grade? Near impossible I say. In actual fact, my parents are extremely worried with my brother’s grade and they tried to push him to study but he simply doesn’t move. What can we do? Sometimes, he has this attitude problem that really irks me but his under puberty so I deem this as part of a natural cycle. By the way, her son listens to her. Different people has different characters and we can’t do things all by one way. Maybe my brother is talented in other things like art or some unidentified talent that has not been uncovered? Why can’t we develop in something that he excels in rather then trying to push him to study. However, in Singapore, academic is deemed as the most important in a child’s life above all the others. Thus, my brother is just an unfortunate soul that lingers in Singapore, trying his best to do something that he can’t excel. To think of my brother’s classmate, I wonder whether he will become crazy after his mother push him too much. I’m not cursing him but it seems that this child is under tremendous pressure.
Actually, I wanted to elaborate on Singapore’s education system but I guess all of us know it too well that it will be rather pointless to rewrite the whole story about education.
Today’s a crap session as I said earlier so I really appreciate all those who read it.

hApPy WiTh uR LifE?

Hi again~ I’m back with more things to say! You may think what is this girl doing, why has she got so much time to blog. The reason is simple, because I’m currently waiting for entry to university and not working exactly working now. Today’s topic came by as I was sitting on the bus, trying to pass my time as I have nothing to do on the bus. I can’t read or watch tv mobile as I will get dizzy spells. So I was staring through the window and doing nothing when suddenly I heard someone said, “I enjoyed my primary school days, playing and playing. We don’t have to worry about anything ….” I’m not eavesdropping so I can’t exactly remember what he said and can’t be bothered to hear what he has to say too. With this amount of information, I decided to put this as a topic as I have also pondered about it during my ride, trying to figure out what I can say about it here and also most importantly, pass my time!
Why do we always look back to the past? The first question that popped in my brain after I heard the remark. Are we living so terribly now that we have to look back to the past to find sweet memories like primary school days. But hey, I don’t mean I have a terrible childhood and I do have “sweet” primary school life. My primary school life consists of beating up guys, acting like a bitch and so on… how cliché. I don’t want to write too much about it because it will take my whole day to write it and I do have a life and do not need to write the blog to pass my precious night time that I dedicate to talking in irc. I also understand that we should be grateful that we have a nice childhood to think about. Why didn’t we dedicate this time to live our life to live our present life to the fullest and before we die(sorry for being blunt), we will think “no regrets as I lived my life to the fullest and I’m ready to die!” I’m trying to fulfil this ideal of mine now and in the future. Currently, I’m quite happy with my state. Yeah! We should look forward to leading our lives to the fullest. Oops… I think I am carried away as always. But I know that this ideal of mine will be smashed as I go into society where all the monsters come out (Monsters= bosses, back stabbers and other creatures that I haven’t thought of currently.) and footing all the bills and trying to get a life out of the routine.(I guess that’s the reason why clubs are so popular and shows like faking it are working out just fine) Thus I shall stand by my ideal as much as possible and pray that it will work out just fine. J
Talking about the show leads me to think about another point today. Just an overview, this reality show is about faking the candidate as some other job like lab technician to become a cheerleader , carpenter to become an interior designer and a richie into a cowboy. Can you believe it?! They will become an imposter and trick three professional judges in a short span of three weeks which is like ?!!??! I think so too! Out of the three examples I mentioned (they are not for show), one made it beautifully and the other two barely made it. the pampered one just barely make it if I remembered correctly. Life is just too easy for him, going out and drinking wine with friends, eating top graded food and so on. He can’t actually take the stress level, thinking of his friends when eating hotdog for dinner, having to wake up in the dawn seems like a chore to him. To add 2 points, he actually thinks being a cowboy is easy before he got to the training ground and this boxers has his name on it. Egoistic people like him should be taught a lesson!
When he went home, his trainers are just too happy to send him off and I think it serves as a wake up call for the richie that life is hard and he better enjoy the luxury he has now. The one who made the perfect score of fooling all three judges is the carpenter. See? People who suffer will make an edge for himself and he is lucky that he has some talent in designing. So he worked hard and so the results are marvelous. I was really happy when I saw that episode. (maybe it’s due to the fact that I’m not rich and so biased against people who are egoistic with not their money but their parents’ money!) another thing to think about is the fact that why they want to participate in this show. From the way I looked at the show, it seems that there is no prize money for those who fooled all the judges. I was pondering why they wanted to participate in this show and I have concluded that it may be due to the fact that they are sick and tired of their own routine and wanted something different. I think it’s very true that we can’t really change ourselves for one job to another entirely new job because we won’t want to risk our rice bowl in this competitive society where money seems to be worshipped like a god. Thus I think that it’s very saddening. My initial plan is to work at different kind of jobs and get experience from all of them but I guess I won’t be able to do that now, considering certain factors like my age, my poor command of English,…… I will just stick with the plain and boring road which many people take. You won’t see me selling porridge in hawker center because it’s a tough job and I’m not willing to take it as a career.
So my concluding statement is that we should try to be as happy as possible although we are constrained by certain things like status.
Cheers!

CoMmeNtS oN cOmMents

oH.... before i forget, if you wanna post a comment. please dun give me things like *hugs* so pitiful blah blah blah..... CAUSE i don't need that here! If i'm really looking for that kind of pity, i have a better website to go.
I'm looking for solutions here and NOT PITY! so i will really appreciate it if you have answers to my questions and get me out of my current situation of depression! i'm desperately looking for solutions. DESPERATE!!!
and if you have time to ponder about things like me, please drop me some ideas on what to write to push my brains to the limit and find out stuffs that i never thought about in my WHOLE life.
actually, wanted to tok about the japanese gal being slashed to death by the other elementary level girl over a stupid e-mail.... like wat is happening to the world? even animals don't kill their counterparts unless it threatens their survival. think about it? but i'm now not in the current state to tok about this. maybe i will update later.
Cheers!

FiRsT

At last! i got it correct and this will be the start of my blogging days. I really hope that i will get some response from you guys so that i will be able to continue writing as people do run out of ideas of what they should write.
As for me, i shall update all my boring days and unfortunately, bore you to death but I'm gonna include some things that has more inner depth. no offence to those who write daily diaries because my life simply too boring and it will only serve as a deterrent to my readers, which i would not want.
so i will keep it short and sweet!
Cheers