There are times in your life that you feel uncertain, worried and not knowing which direction you should be heading. There isn't any reason why it happened or you are simply unaware of it.

Maybe I have taken things for granted, maybe i thought that by keeping myself busy will help me get over all these uncertainties. But when I sit alone, trying to figure out the question of "What next?", I find myself in a situation where there are no answers to my question. I start to think hard of what it is, start to reflect what have I done in the past to get me through my life. I am fearful, with each step of my life and every stepping stones looking a little shaky, I tread carefully, fearing that one day I might fall into a deep waters that surround the stones. When I look back, there are points in my life where I thought to myself "I could have done better, I should have.... I could have...." My life is constantly surrounded by thoughts like this which makes feel nervous whenever I make the next decision.

It sucks to know that nobody can help in this situation and I guess my life will continue to be like on a balancing beam.

Getting really busy nowadays... I am practically packed on weekdays except thurs and weekends are packed with tuition. I hope that I have the power to continue and I really feel guilty towards one person. =p

Managed to get my dad's car for a day as my parents went to kukup. =D

It was quite an experience as I needed to do U turn quite a lot of times >_< but managed to get to workplace in the end. Unfortunately, I had to be drive in the rain without my parents beside me. It is rather stressful but the only comfort is that all the drivers around me is driving safely so there wasn't any surprises for the drive.

I also realised that getting a car is super expensive and I won't be getting one in the near future. Parking is already killing me in one day. =(

I am also starting to attend the course in NYP. Met someone from NUS so it is really fortunate!!!!! HAHAHAHA...... it's good to be back to school and I am glad that I feel this way (in case I still have dreams to do my masters). Hopefully, this will be sustainable throughout the whole course. Muahahhaa.....

Are there times when someone asked you about your strength and you really can't think of anything?
Are there times where you feel that you are incapable of doing anything?

That is what I am feeling now. Damn....

As my contract passed the half year mark, everybody is asking me to find another job already. I am always reluctant to do such stuff because I find it a hassle to look for jobs. I am quite sure that I won't get a higher position if I stayed on and I do ask myself whether I want to remain in this position and the answer is obvious. Not that I want to be unloyal that but it really doesn't make sense for me to stay on and I should seriously let others have the opportunity >_<. Need to tidy up my CV and start to do searches on those search engines and major related companies. Hopefully I can find a boss like the current one... I really like the environment in the current company and I think I won't be so lucky next time round.

Maybe planning for an overseas trip (again!) but I do wonder which are the places that I want to go man. Anyway, it will be Europe (it's as if I can get so much money to do another trip). I will plan out the budget and see how everything goes. On a side note, I realised that I am quite hesitant in going to South-East countries like Vietnam and Thailand (can you believe it?!!). I don't know why but I am really worried about the language barrier (not that I can speak German or Italian in any case). So many things to do yet have so little amount of cash at hand. ARGH.......

Feeling tired restless worried all at the same time. I guess stress is always building up and I am just not catching up!!!!

Watched the nightmare before christmas. It's really interesting and I can see that Tim Burton must have put in A LOT of effort just to do this movie. I think I might catch the other stories if they are on sales. heehee.....

Update:
Sembawang music if officially closed (not that I care since I don't even own 1 cd. Hmmmm..... On second thoughts, maybe I did own some cds before but not sure what is it)
A 18 year old got killed by bf? It looked quite violent since there are stabs at very major organs. Poor girl......
HDB sales figure in red?!!! I seriously don't believe!!!

Need to lose some weight!!!

It is an achievement for me that I have managed to help a student to improve from fail to B3. Yea!!! =D

Going to drop my students from the current 6 --> 2 as all the others are already having their major exams.... Hope the best for them!!

In the end, I did nothing at all..... But it's quite a nice feeling to slack around, do nothing, thinking about nothing and playing my restaurant city..... hahahaha...... Life is about enjoyment, work, or passion? I wonder???

Oh ya... Managed to get in contact with my friend... Glad she is alright although she must be going through a tough time with all the therapies that she needs to undergo to kill all the bad cells that is still within her. Jiayou to her!!!

Long weekends.... what to do??? maybe it's time to visit sasa or maybe a night out with red wine in hand.... I miss those days where I am doing practically nothing. (not that I have a lot to do now though)

I shall regain my freedom from work (for 1 day!! =P)

I think my stress level has gone up again because all the students I teach are going through either 'O', 'N', PSLE or streaming.

Sometimes, I feel that i am more stressed than them.... HAHAHA.....

Really thinking very hard on how to help them through one of the many hurdles in their lives but nothing seems to work out everytime. hahaha.....

Found mozarella cheese (authentic soft ones) and chocolate from Dove. Sasa if gonna be so excited.... I think I should give her a surprise someday by bringing the two items when I stay over at her house. heehee.....

While I was logging to use my blogsite as the link to other blogs, I realised the template I was using can't be used anymore... Oh well..... I shall just stick with the standard template that I have.

Just an update where I am not doing much..... Same old job, same old tuition..... everything is pretty much the same.... Erms..... maybe except my weight.... the pantry has such good snacks that I keep going to pantry to get some hot milk tea from lipton and some jap sesame snack..... really have to watch it for now man!!!

Oh ya....Yesterday had a really bad gastric though.... It's the first time in my life where I felt my limbs go soft and even feel like vomitting. Sad enough, have to leave the gathering first and didn't have my cheesecake. I think I should have some food in my bag just in case this happens again. (even though it conflicts the previous paragraph)

May be having a bbq soon.... Hopefully, it will materialise.... hahaha.... It's still in the planning stages though.... I am pretty excited actually. heehee.... :P

That's all for now.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

Verdict: True. I don't know about people liking me though

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Verdict: I know I am serious but smart and determined? Hmm..... I like my small eyes!!!!

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

Verdict: Yes.... Indeed

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Verdict: How do you fall in love beautifully???

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

Verdict: Unfortunately, I didn't do well

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

Verdict: ???? I don't think they are giving me any answers.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

Verdict: Hope so~~~

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Verdict: I think people who likes me will need to know this. HAHAHA....

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Verdict: Confidence??? hahaha.....

Virgin Drive:

I have decided to blog my virgin drive today. Was driving mum and dad to sembawang today and when I started reversing from the parking lot, I reversed too earlY and nearly hit the car beside me!! Fortunately, I was going at a very slow speed and managed to stop in time. :) I realised that I always turned too late. :P

First vertical parking was quite alright, definitely above my expectation. The route to Bishan (tuition) was also smooth.

Also drove in the afternoon for lunch and there was a little hiccup as a motorbike was quite near my car just now. My parents were also a little worried about the speed I am going (being a new driver with 0 day of experience). They felt that it was too fast.. hahaha.... (when I was going at 70km/h 0_o!!!) However, my car slanted when doing the vertical parking at home and my dad helped me correct the slanting problem.

It's quite a stressful but I have fun. Definitely will drive in the future. Hopefully can drive on my own soon~~~ =P

The thing to announce is that I have PASSED my driving test!! hahaha..... Was really a surprise since I heard that normally people don't pass the first time and I am beyond stress!!!! The instructor that taught me before the test ask me to stop sighing and the warm up instructor said the same thing!!

But the tester looks really nice so I had a lot more confidence and didn't do any mejor mistakes. *Heng*

Anticipating to have my virgin drive today!!!

Life can change this fast and I suddenly understand why people called life unpredictable.

It's really upsetting when one is healthy one day and passed on on the other. I really feel the need to live life to the fullest. I pray that my auntie and cousin will find peace and really hope that things will get better for the big family as a whole.
Last year had been a tormenting year for the family and I hope it won't get worse this year.

Sometimes, I feel the need to educate people on how to handle emergency situations even when I do not know much. Each passing moment means life and death in this kind of situation and one must react the right way so that to have a better chance of survival. I felt that something can be done to prevent all this but it was too late.

It seemed unreal but at the end of the day, you would realise that it's not a dream. I cannot imagine how everybody will overcome this in the end.

I really hope it is all but a dream.....

i am so happy that I can no longer contain my happiness. I have a new netbook!!! dell mini 10!!!! HAHAHA....... so happy!!!

oh my god... it has been nearly one month since I blogged.

Everything is going quite alright..... I have started working in a super low level job but aiya.... I think I will just enjoy the moment of doodling with calendar and uploading pictures. Slacker's job!!! I got so many things to buy lo but insufficient funds to do so.

Tuition is piling up like crazy cause I have like 5 tuitions squeezed into the 2 miserable weekends but two of the students want their June holiday, which is essentially good for me because I can kind of rest for around one month. Cousin is going to join in soon (which makes a total of 6 tuitions!!!) and
something really touching happened:

The mother of one of the students actually messaged me today to thank me for teaching her son as his grade improved quite a lot from the first term. I can sense a tinge of relief from her and I'm really glad that my efforts paid off.

Started drawing anime eyes and I really love what I drew!! I hope that the fire won't dwindle!!!

Reading the assassin's quest by Robin Hobb. I think I found a treasure!!!

Lastly, TP on 14/7. * praying super hard to get a pass *

Summary = Super busy with no life but SURPRISINGLY fulfilling

Happy Labour Day in advance!!! ( for those who are working/ studying)

Anyways, many decisions were in place for me to make these days and I guess I have made the best decision based on probability.

I always told myself that I should be more realistic in expectations and not think of the impossible. I do feel it is a rare opportunity that would probably not come again but I guess I should just move on. I shall not regret the decision that I make even though I really wanted it but can't have it due to the situation.

That's all.... more to come when I feel a little better

To guys who always complain that girls are spending too much money on saloon to do their hair

Why does head hair grow to great length whereas body hair doesn't? Nobody knows exactly, but some anthropologists believe the purpose of long head hair is to give you something to tie ribbons in. No kidding. Quoth one, "the functional significance of long head hair is almost certainly adornment, providing for the 'sexual selection' that Darwin correctly argued was a potent factor in the evolutionary process." In other words, when you drop sixty bucks at the beauty parlor, don't feel guilty--you're helping to advance the species. [1]

Reference:
The Straight Dope, Cecil Adams

hey guys, been a seriously long time since I updated my blog.

It's not been a great month that has passed and I have to say that I may really need to go and pray to guan yin one of these days. I guess life is like that, there are ups and there are downs. It's how you face it that is important. (sorry arh.... I think I am self psychoing again)

Anyways, I will update if something interesting popped up. (Seriously, nothing interesting has turned up recently. Maybe I should really go and catch movies or something like that)